I would say that CPAP machines are the greatest advance in marital joy since the vibrator.
It transforms an experience similar to sleeping next to a dying silverback gorilla into sleeping next to an aquarium. Also, most men a single woman meets have been separated or divorced for about 20 minutes. This – subscribing -- means you can communicate with people at the site, instead of just studying the profiles, questionnaires, preferences and photographs for free. So the first morning, eight profiles of men varying in age from 54 to 63 arrived by email.
We went out four times in rapid succession, for coffee, lunches, a hike.
We had chemistry, laughed a lot, sent lots of emails. I thought, in my mature and/or delusional way, that this would come, but it didn't.
They are "glass half-full kind of people." That's very nice.
Yet union with a partner -- someone with whom to wake, whom you love, and talk with on and off all day, and sit with at dinner, and watch TV and movies, read together in bed, do hard tasks together, and to be loved by. I had experienced varying degrees of loneliness since my guy and I split up. Most seemed pretty normal, with college degrees, which I don't have, but certainly meant to; some attractive, mostly divorced but some like me, never married, some witty, some dull, sort of like real life.
After our breakup, I had just assumed there would be a bunch of kind, brilliant, liberal, funny guys my age to choose from. Surely my friends would set me up with their single friends, and besides, I am out in the public a lot doing events at bookstores and political gatherings, the ideal breeding ground for my type of guy. People don't know single guys my age who are looking for single women my age. I went onto with a clear knowledge that relationships are not the answer to lifelong problems. Curiously, almost without exception, they were "spiritual but not religious." I thought for a while that this meant ecumenical, drawn to Rumi, Thomas Merton, Mary Oliver.
He had gotten out, talked to the police, and gotten a peek at the corpse. I recommended that we reschedule to a day when he hadn't seen any dead people. But at lunch, he accidentally forgot to ask me anything about my life during the first 45 minutes of the conversation.
It was fascinating, that we did not get around to me until that one question. The next guy was also highly cultured, a creative venture capitalist, who was familiar with my work, and turned out to be a truly excellent conversationalist. (Of course, I mostly talked to my single friends and to Sam about Match.) They knew how brave it was of me to go on dates. This pattern repeated -- a flurry of dates, followed by radio silence on the man's part -- and made me mourn the old days, when you met someone with whom you shared interests, chemistry, a sense of humor, and you started going out.